my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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