we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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