Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
