I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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