no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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