I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
