Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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