No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
