i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
