i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
