i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
