He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
