Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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