I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
