I'm passing your future prison.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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