I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
