p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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