My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
