There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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