the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
