Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
