There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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