how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
