I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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