Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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