I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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