I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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