He had one of those small greek statue penises
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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