I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
