I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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