ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize