What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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