Tell her she can't have a vagina
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize