how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I look better un-naked...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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