She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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