3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
