im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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