I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
