At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
