Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
