Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
