New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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