What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
its liver damage thursday
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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