All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
