No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
