Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
