Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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