Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ugly people sure do ruin things
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize