well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
