Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think your dad took our porno
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
