that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
