i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you never un-have a 4some
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
