He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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