Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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