hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
