don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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