When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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