Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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