I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
