the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
