Are we in a gay sports bar?
This girl is more easily done than said...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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