Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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