we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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